i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
