We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
