definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
