I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
high people should be assigned attendants
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
