It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
