there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
