Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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