I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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