Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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