i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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