you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
