I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
