I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
