how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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