I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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