where am i from again
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
