you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
