yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
