If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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