you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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