He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
