Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We need to rekindle our bromance
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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