So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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