Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
