i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
