my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
