There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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