I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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