i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
