I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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