Too much gin, very little bucket
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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