She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
