Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
