just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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