ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
