...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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