I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
