It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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