You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
