We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
