dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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