your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
