i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
