what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
