he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
