im about as happy as oj after his trial
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
