Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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