Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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