My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
