I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
